Cap City Open 2013

I am a highly competitive person.  Its not a secret and its one thing I know about myself really well.  Even playing board games with my children, I don't like to lose.  Its not easy for me being this competitive and I would like to learn how to turn it off.  I don't like the nerves, the feeling of letting myself down, letting down those who support me, and especially giving someone rights to claim they are better than me.  Its more psychological but I guess that goes for everyone.  If I know I have to compete in something, whether it be a race, sparring match, karate tournament, or a game of darts there is an overwhelming need to practice, get ready, work on it, build myself up to be better.  I spent the last few weeks gearing up for a karate tournament.  I practiced when I could, I had my instructors watch me, other karate students critique me, and stretched, stretched, and stretched some more.  Sunday was the Capital City Open Karate Championships, I competed in it last year and got 2nd place.  I was thrilled with that considering it was my first tournament.  I am three belts higher now and have new forms under my belt.  I was nervous and honestly felt like throwing up.  My kicks were difficult to stick cause you have to hold your leg up over your head, stretched out for a few seconds, it gives the moves impact.  Without it my form wouldn't look sharp.  I was third to perform and the lady I lost to last year was there.  I stuck the important kick, the one directly over the judges heads, I wobbled on my back leg round followed by a side kick but just kept going.  I slowed it down and paused where I needed to, minded my head checks, and stuck it on the final back leg side kick.  At the end of everyone's forms I stood there, feeling sick again, thinking I could have done better if it weren't for these dang nerves.  I got a hug from the woman I lost to last year and she said I did great! I heard my cheering section cheer for me and that felt good.  When the judges presented the scores I tried to add it all up in my head but my head was too cluttered with other things.  They only give trophies to first through third place finishers.  It wasn't until it came down to her and I that I thought maybe, and when they said second place goes to her, I almost cried right then and there cause I knew I had gotten first place.  All my hard work, practicing, and focus paid off.  I am very proud to be a martial artist and know that there will come a time when I compete that I will lose.  I will drop my weapon, I will miss a step, I might even get hit one too many times but until then I will keep trying my best because after all, I will still just be me...a mom, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, friend, human. thanks for reading xoxo