Aunt Ruby Visits

My Aunt Ruby, Uncle Gordon and cousin Ray came to visit me this past weekend. I was nervous about the visit because it had been so long since I had seen my Aunt Ruby. She is the only relative on my biological fathers side that I have even a little bit of a relationship with. She is technically my Great Aunt as she was my fathers aunt, his mothers sister. My Grandmother Hazel, my fathers mother, past away when I was about 8 or 9 and I was never close with her. I remember her, I did visit her when I was younger and there are pictures of her and me together. My Aunt Ruby brought out with her some family heirlooms that belonged to her like jewelry, coins, her Bible, her remembrance book from her funeral, and some other little things that would only mean the most to me. I was her only grandchild and between my mother and father the only child between them. I do have other siblings from both sides. Anyway, I received another photo album which included photos of people from my fathers side. It included photos of his father which I don't recall ever seeing. I was moved by all of the items and photos and it stirred up some emotions that I have tried to suppress for some time now. Every once and a while I think about my dad and what my life would have been like if he had not died. I think about what it would be like to have all those people in my life more so then they have been. It gets so bad sometimes, thinking about it, that I can't sleep and then I start thinking I can do more research on the Internet to get some answers to questions I have. I feel bad asking people questions about him because I feel like they have all moved on from his passing and bringing up those topics would bring hurt and frustration to those who have the answers. I know its not fair to me and I should be able to ask but it has also been so long, would they even remember or know the answers. There are people out there that I am closely related to that could still be alive, but more likely not. There are people out there whom I am related to closely, that I should be able to see, but don't want to see me. So what should I do? I will probably do what I always do...research it on the Internet, ponder everything for a couple weeks, then let it all go. I am happy with my life and feel blessed with the family I have grown up with, created with my husband, and married into. Even though I am an adult this situation really makes me feel like a hopeless kid who can't say anything for fear of getting into trouble or maybe hearing something she doesn't want to. Anyway, the visit was wonderful and I am glad the door of communication is open again with her because it does help to know I can go to her with questions. I did ask a few but some she did not have the answer to so I will either have to grow some courage and ask someone else or suck it up and forget about it. So here's to finding out the mysteries of the other half that made me. thanks for reading xoxo