a moment

There are many moments in a persons life that if that moment would have gone another way their life would be completely different. My first major moment happened when I was 3 months old. I didn't have a say in the matter, I didn't get to chose it for myself, and it was definitely not predictable. It wasn't picking out a house or husband, it was not picking a major in college or anything that myself or someone responsible for me could decide. It wasn't about a job or what I would grow up to be or whether to get my ears pierced or not. It was planned but not by me or my mother. It was planned all along, even before my life was. It was in the cards and it was dealt to me. It was a reality and it happened so fast without any warnings. It didn't seem real and I am sure, to some, it was a nightmare that people don't ever wake up from. I am not sure why it happened or how really, I am not even sure if I want to know or ever will know. I am not even sure if I will ever have the courage to ask. Some moments are just that way. Most moments are not even yours and this moment, although it was partly mine, partly my mothers, mostly my fathers it really belonged to God. I guess in a way all moments are His, He just lets you borrow them or be a part of it. There are many people who ask the question "at what moment did that change your life?" or "what is your life's defining moment?" Usually there is tragedy behind it. Usually the clouds don't open and shower you with rays of hope or money or happiness. Usually the moment happens and then there is more time. Time to deal with the moment of the past, time to prepare for the future differently, and time to come to terms with it. The word moment is really used to often but when we tell stories or share experiences we all use it. You are having a moment right now, keep reading or turn away. But it won't change your life either way, like mine did. So a moment happened to someone at 3 months of age and it wasn't her moment to begin with, it was planned all along, and it did affect her for the rest of her life. One day I hope to have the chance to make it count for something more then what it was. One day I hope to understand it better. One day I hope I will be able to explain it to my children. For now I pray it doesn't happen to them.

thanks for reading xoxo