April 24th 2009

My wonderful Grandfather passed away Saturday April 18th. I am heartbroken. He was a very important man in my life. I don't understand many things about his passing because no one told me exactly what was going on until it was too late. I sometimes feel angry because its almost as if the older family members view me as a little kid still, unable to cope or deal with the realness of life therefore they shelter me from the bluntness of what really is going on. I sometimes feel happy that he is no longer suffering and has finally gone to be with the Lord. I sometimes feel regret that I wasn't there and that the last time I saw him I thought he was going to get better and I didn't spend enough time with him. I feel sad and empty all the time but push through it for my family. I feel blessed for being able to have the best years with him, living with him, traveling with him, learning from him, laughing with him, swimming with him, fishing with him, singing with him, building things with him, or just sitting in silence with him. I pray for him to be ok and happy now. I wish I could get a sign from him to know he is at peace. I love him so much and miss him terribly.
Here is a pic of him with Jade. I am very lucky he was able to meet all of my children and that he had such a wonderful bond with Michael. This pic is one of the last ones that I took before his passing. thanks for reading xoxo